Sleep deprivation

I can handle 3, 4, or 5 hours of sleep a night for 3, 4, even 5 nights in a row before it finally affects me and I realize I have sleep deprivation. Donnie has to have eight hours of sleep every night and because of this I try not to wake him up when Maria decides to get up in the middle of the night. Unfortunately when the day comes that I have to have some rest it is obvious as I usually have a meltdown. I had a bad one last night. I can't help the meltdown and I don't even realize it is coming but Donnie can usually spot them. I am so tired and I don't even realize it and instead of listening to Donnie and going to bed I pick a fight with him instead.

I can see why sleep deprivation is a trick used to brainwash people. When you are sleep deprived your personality changes you're more susceptible to little things effecting you and life is just miserable. By the time I realized I needed to get to bed last night it was already 10:30 going on 11 by the time I got to sleep it was after 11. The good thing is I only woke up once in the middle the night at 2 when Maria decided she wanted to eat. I was actually happy because I had thought she had stopped eating at night but it made me realize I was just sleeping through them because I was so tired. I didn't wake up this morning until 5 AM right before my alarm clock went off I was able to change Maria and feed her I'm was running a little late because of that. I would much rather feed her and be a little late in the morning then come home and miss her afternoon feeding entirely like I did last night which is what caused my meltdown.

I am terrified that my milk supply is going to run out even though I know it probably won't I know it is probably going to slow down (just like it did for David) but it won't stop until we're ready but I do worry. I really want to feed her as much as I can and have to pump less frequently but it just doesn't seem to happen I want to limit the pumping's to three times a day but sometimes that doesn't happen. I just have to listen to her and listen to my body do what's best for the both of us. Our goal is to breast feed her for 1 year just like David and so as we strive for this goal I worry that because it is about what my body I can do that I won't be able to because I am so much older now then when I had David. So whenever Maria gets a bottle instead of the breast it makes me worry and I took that worry out on Donnie. When I realized that this morning and that the cause was lack of sleep I apologized because what else can I do. He understands my fear and supports me. Taking care of Maria is our number one goal.

So I as I use the technology on my phone to write this blog as I drive into work (about the only free time I have anymore) I try to fight off the sleepy feeling that I have and hope I can make it through today without any problems.

15 hours later..........
A cup of coffee when I got to work gave me the temporary boost I needed to wake me up. I was able to get my work done and that is what matters.

Maria's 2 month doctor's appointment got changed to today at the last minute and I wound up leaving work early to go with her. She had a big day she received three shot vaccinations and one oral and she got her ears pierced. So when we got home we laid down together and had an almost 2 hour long nap. Now here is to hoping I get 6 hours of sleep tonight!